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Foks - offline Foks
09-09-2003 06:46 URL сообщения      K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Intelligence Droid



гросс-адмирал Траун
Новую версию поместил... не знаю, но новая концовка оставляет больше вопросов. А еще, оставляет надежду на оправдание самого себя...

Рика - offline Рика
09-09-2003 10:12 URL сообщения Дневник     K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Язва Камрада



Foks новая концовка оставляет больше вопросов
А это плохо?

Foks - offline Foks
09-09-2003 10:54 URL сообщения      K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Intelligence Droid



Рика
Но мы то уже знаем, что было на самом деле

гросс-адмирал Траун - offline гросс-адмирал Траун
09-09-2003 14:40 URL сообщения Дневник     K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Последний Адмирал



Foks
Данк за обновление

гросс-адмирал Траун - offline гросс-адмирал Траун
28-11-2003 08:10 URL сообщения Дневник     K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Последний Адмирал



Я вот всё думал, постить - не постить... С одной стороны, форум русский, английская версия тут ни к чему... А потом подумал - может, кому-то интересно будет.. вот. Ну, и конечно же, советы камрадов были бы очень кстати
Английская Версия v1.0

The Black Cell.

1. Waking up in darkness. Absolute darkness. You can’t see anything around.
- Anyone here? – calls a vacillating voice.
- Right here, - comes a rather course laugh somewhere from the left. – Welcome to mini-hell.
- Who are you?
- Doesn’t matter, don’t you think?
- Where am I? – the voice becomes irritated.
- You’re in the ABC single-person chamber.
The other man swears, almost too quiet to hear.
- They threw you in about an hour ago. You know, the outer light nearly burned out my eyes, - the rough voice laughs again.
- How long are you here?
- Half a year already.
- What’s your name?
- Heights.
Pause.
- Mine’s Skimmer.
- Glad to meet you. Probably they threw you in to keep me from going mad.
- You were alone all the time here?
- Yes.
A minute of silence.
- How come you got here? – it’s Heights asking.
- I’m a suspect. Murder suspect. On the murder of detention captain.
- Did you kill him?
- No, of course not. But it didn’t help me at all, - sigh.
- A pity that you didn’t, - laugh.
- Hey, what the hell? Wait a minute… What are you here for?
- I am not in the mood to tell you.
Silence. Quiet.

2. You can’t certainly measure the time, by which Skimmer dares to resume the talk. It’s not that he has lost his sense of time. He can still figure out it’s been about five hours from his appearance.
- Where are you?
- In the far left corner. Most probably. I remember the door being opened to the right from me last time.
- And where did they put me?
- In the far right, I suppose.
- Is it far from one side to the other?
- The chamber’s not that big. But be careful. In the middle there’s a shaft – hell knows, how deep it is.
- Is it wide?
- You’ll fall before you notice it.
- What’s the purpose of this thing?
- Well, technically it’s a food supply channel and a ventilation shaft… But I don’t really think it’s the point. They’re very useful for the Empire, these shafts. A newcomer will go exploring the chamber and fall down. And it’ll be solely his fault. Useful. The chambers get free again quite fast. It’s unavoidable – being alone in the dark, one will sooner or later go nuts. And after that there’s only one way left.
- Shit… I wouldn’t have ever thought of that!
- Of what?
- Of using ventilation shafts for such purposes. It’s barbaric!
- It’s the Empire, - says Heights with a laugh.
- I have just thought to myself… are you a Rebel?
- Exactly.
Pause for a few seconds.
- And you? – Heights dares to break the silence.
- Corporal Skimmer.
Heights is mute.
Silence. Quiet.
3. Another few hours pass by. This time it’s Heights who starts the dialogue.
- So you’re a servant of the Empire?
Silence.
- Shit.
Pause. Then Skimmer decides to speak, at last.
- Yes.
- How did you… how come you’re here?
- Got in the wrong place. At the wrong time.
- Yeah… - whispers Heights melancholically. – Seems like the Empire didn’t have a lot of mercy for you.
- It’s just a mistake.
- There are thousands of mistakes like this. Thousands, like thousands of imprisonment cells on Despayre, - claims Heights, seemingly speaking to no one.
- I don’t give a damn about this cells, you hear me? Sod off now.
Silence.
- So you’re still loyal to the Empire?
Quiet.

4. Skimmer woke up from a rustling sound.
- What is it?
- Fast food and cold drinks, - a grim laugh.
- Where?
- You won’t see it. Food comes up the ventilation shaft on a huge piston. Comes so quietly you have to be all ears to hear it coming. However, it’s a big plus food comes in a certain time each twenty four hours.
- A good calendar.
- Yeah, no doubt. It’s there only for five minutes, you have to take all the stuff away by the time it goes down.
- What if you get on the piston and go down with it?
- Not a good idea. I studied the structure of ABCs before I got here. There are forcefields below. You’ll simply get killed, that’s all.
- Shit.
- Exactly.
Silence.
- Want some local food substitute? – suggests Heights.
Pause.
- I don’t mind.
Rustling. Champing.
- It’s rubber.
- It’s fat burner. You’ll burn a few kilos. Or a few dozen kilos.
Cough.
- Awkh… Stupid joke, Heights.
- I know.
- How long did I sleep?
- Food came three times.
Sound of a fist punching the wall.
- What is it? – asks Heights.
- I must be ill.
- Don’t bother. It’s just the thing that you lose the sense of time.
Quiet.

5. Quiet.
- ABC… - drawls Skimmer.
- Absolute Black Cell. Didn’t you know?
- I knew.
- Yeah? And were you in an ABC?
- I’m currently in it. That’s enough.
Pause.
- Do you know how many prisoners there are in the ABCs? Do you know how many ABCs there are on Despayre?
- No. And I don’t want to know.
- I wonder if you heard what the Empire is doing with non-humans.
Pause.
- Listen up now, I did not bash your rebel band, right? – replies Skimmer angrily.
No answer.
- I could have killed you, rebel.
- No, you could not. I’ve explored every inch of this cell. You have just arrived.
- Go to hell.
Silence.

6. Food came and went eight times. Skimmer carefully explored the cell, avoiding the corner, where he thought was Heights. A deep and wide shaft in the center. He almost forgot where the door is. Walls are smooth as glass and black as outer space, no signs of any doors or windows. Thanks to Heights’ memory, they can still figure out, where is the door.
- You know a lot about this prison.
- I should know. I was sent here on a mission. To free the prisoners, - Heights speaks hoarsely.
- You’ve got a cold? – Skimmer seems a bit worried.
- I don’t know. Maybe I rolled too close to the vent shaft in my sleep.
- So you had to free the prisoners? How many are there?
- More than two thousand.
- I never went down to the detention levels to figure that out.
- But you were on Despayre? What for?
- I was overseeing the works.
- What kind of works?
- This information is secret.
- Hey, stop it! We’re both in this shit.
- Go to hell.
Silence.
- For all the bloody Sith, I can’t see even one reason to be loyal to the Empire here.
- It’s none of your business.
Pause.
- Just try to understand. Despayre is nothing. It’s just a prison. Nothing compared to Ghorman. Do you know how may people were killed there?
- Don’t try to push it, I’m not changing sides. And I explored the chamber quite well.
- I could have thrown you down, too.
- Oh really? Well, come on, try to! You rebel dolt..
Quiet.

7. Food didn’t come yet.
- Sorry.
- Apology accepted.
- Should be a crappy thing, sitting here alone.
- Yes.
Pause.
- Why did you become a Rebel?
- My parents were killed on Ghorman.
- What happened there?
- Some brain-dead fool landed on the activist crowd. It seems he got promoted for that.
Silence.
- Sorry. I didn’t know.
- Doesn’t matter.
- If it happened with my parents, I would do the same thing.
- Most probably.
Ten second pause.
- The Empire helped me a lot.
- How?
- I was an outcast on Corellia.
- Why?
- Had no money.
Pause.
- I’m from a poor family. My parents died early during my childhood.
- And what did you do then?
- I joined the army.
Silence.
- And now?
- I had everything. Well… I mean, I had a normal life. Family. Money and a place for living.
- Here on Despayre?
- No, I was transferred here recently.
- Have you been to the jails?
- No, I told you already, I was supervising the works when someone shot the detention captain in his cabinet.
Silence.
- It’s a pity that happened to your life.
- A pity indeed.
Quiet.

8. Food came and went six times.
- What troubles me – how did you manage not to fall into madness while being here alone?
- Are you really interested in this?
- No. Not really. Not at all.
Long silence.
- How were you caught?
- One of our agents inserted a false dossier in the Imperial Database in order for me to get in here. But they somehow uncovered the plan. When we arrived, they were waiting for us.
- Who brought you here?
- Our men.
- And they?
- All dead.
Pause.
- It came out quite a shitty thing.
- You’re too soft on words.
- Why do you need to free the criminals?
- Not all of them are criminals here, - answers Heights mechanically.
- Most of them. Despayre is not a place for usual people.
- What about you?
- It’s a mistake.
- Why are you so sure that the others are not a mistake as well?
- During my supervision, I’ve seen the dossiers of many. They are marauders. Murderers. Killers.
- Maybe the Empire fakes the dossiers. Have you seen you own?
- Yes. It’s not like the others. What’s the point of faking your own documentation?
Silence.
- I don’t trust a word from the Empire.
- I’m not the Empire.
- But you are speaking for it.
Pause.
- I have seen them. Not as an imperial. As a man. They deserve death.
- Maybe, the prison made them like this.
- Unlikely. There are much more prisoners on Despayre than these ABC cells, which can drive one mad.
Silence.
- Well, if we free them, they could help the Alliance a lot…
A second of silence.
- Now I see your point. You are recruiting bandits.
Silence.
- You misunderstood me.
- Now I don’t want to understand.
- I thought we are friends.
- Cellmates.
- Well I don’t give a damn.
Silence.
9. Food came and went two times.
- I was thinking, maybe they are watching us?
- No, they aren’t. There is no connection to the outer world in the ABC. Because the sight of what this cell does to people can affect the supervisor. This is the trick of ABC. You are isolated from the world completely. It’s worse if you are alone. You can’t see. You can hear only yourself. And you don’t know if they are watching, unless you know the structure of this cells. There were those we freed on other worlds. They told us they screamed days and nights until realized it was useless.
- Is there a way to get out from here?
- They can only open from outside. They don’t even know if you’re dead or alive.
- Bullshit. They can put a droid to look after the chambers. He won’t go nuts, he’s a machine.
Laugh.
- Yes, they do have watch droids. In other ABCs. In the new ones. These ABCs on the lower level are old. They were not created by the Empire. The Empire just used inventions of those who once lived here.
- Bullshit.
- The inventors of ABC had no droids. They had only black stone and metal.
- But if no one’s watching… then…
Silence.
- Can you get out from here?
Heights remains silent for a while.
- What were you working on?
Skimmer keeps silence for a few seconds as well.
- I was not working. I was overseeing the works.
- Works on what.
- It’s a secret.
- I’ll get you out of here.
Silence.
- How can I trust you?
- And can I trust you?
- I can be lying.
- So can I.
- Let’s set a rule – speak only truth.
- It’s easy to break.
- Then it makes no sense at all, it’s absolute shit! – Skimmer punches the wall.
- Okay, listen here. I failed the mission. But they will send after me.
- Are you someone important?
- Not really, but…
Pause.
- But what?
- They will make a second attempt. The diversion must succeed. Just tell me, what are you working on, and I’ll get you out.
Silence.
- It’s top secret information.
- I understand.
- I’m not going to betray.
- What if I force you to?
- Go try it, my life is already full of shit. Even if you get me out, I will never return…
- To the Empire?
- To my family. To my army. To my homeland.
Silence.
- You’ve got hard foundations.
- You too. Although I sometimes doubt it.
- You’re a good man, Skimmer.
- I’m trying to think the same of you, Heights.
- Nevermind.
- Still, if it’s no secret, who are you in the Alliance?
Silence.
- Well… I’m a General.
- I got it.
Quiet.
10. Skimmer woke up from subdued noise. It sounded like explosions deep down in the prison catacombs.
- Hell…
- They’re after me. Coming through, - whispers Heights. – Here’s our ticket from here!
Silence.
- Skimmer?
- You’re a General of the Alliance.
- Yes?
- I’m a Corporal of the Empire.
- We are friends!
Pause.
- Cellmates.
- I will save you. You understand the Empire is evil. The Empire got you here.
Pause.
- Honor and loyalty, Heights. They’re not for sale.
A deafening, tormenting silence.
Sounds of struggle. Swearing. Fierce shouts.
Scream.
Quiet.

11. A ray of light hurts the eyes. You can’t see anything in the doors.
- Convict Skimmer?
- Yes, sir, - Skimmer narrows his eyes, trying to save them from the white blinding square of the door.
- Is convict Heights here?
- No, sir.
- What happened?
- And incident, sir. Heights fell down in the shaft during sleep.
A long pause. Skimmer tries to see the face of the man standing in the doors, but light is like a white blinding curtain before his eyes.
- Understood, - says the soldier at last.
- Sir, - speaks Skimmer quickly. – What were these rumbling sounds?
Silence. The man in the doorway turns around and walks away. The door closes behind him.
Skimmer’s head slowly falls down.
Darkness.
Quiet.

Тарантул - offline Тарантул
28-11-2003 09:40 URL сообщения Дневник     K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Верховный Инквизитор



The chambers get free again quite fast - может лучше available или empty? Как-то free имхо не очень вписывается...

Seems like the Empire didn’t have a lot of mercy for you. - isn't very merciful for you? (Lot of mercy - есть такое выражение?)

- I’m currently in it. That’s enough. - Now I am. - вроде более близко к русскому варианту.

- Well, if we free them, they could help the Alliance a lot… - ...we will free...?

- Works on what. - с вопросительным знаком, видимо?

гросс-адмирал Траун - offline гросс-адмирал Траун
28-11-2003 09:59 URL сообщения Дневник     K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Последний Адмирал



Тарантул
Dankz. Переработки на пути.
Well, if we free them, they could help the Alliance a lot…
не-а, тут всё правильно. Специяльно в грамматику лазил.

Найва Матхар - offline Найва Матхар
23-09-2004 15:18 URL сообщения      K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Камрад



>Он убил Хайтса, опасаясь неблагоприятного исхода. Но вместе с тем он убил единственного человека, который спасал его жизнь. Даже если бы они просто остались в Камере, их было двое. А теперь он остался один.
И это ему не принесло ничего.

Первый раз прочитала, ужаснулась ТАКОЙ верности (в хорошем смысле слова).
Второй раз прочитала, ужаснулась концу (в худшем смысле этого слова). До меня наконец дошло, что случится теперь с персонажем, ведь он ОДИН!
Третий раз прочитала, и поняла для себя, что пожалуй нахожу бедного парня недостаточно умным...

Страшная вещь... И несколько напрягает её непатриотичность.
Короче эта вещь, только для своих (для имперцев т.е), причем это только для имперцев очень крепких убеждений –
говорю Вам как если бы была сотрудником отдела пропаганды.

А так за вещь, огромное спасибо. Потрясла до глубины души....

гросс-адмирал Траун - offline гросс-адмирал Траун
23-10-2004 12:29 URL сообщения Дневник     K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Последний Адмирал



Найва Матхар
Спасибо а насчёт непатриотичности - как можн быть патриотом несуществующего государства?

Найва Матхар - offline Найва Матхар
15-11-2004 18:52 URL сообщения      K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Камрад



Во-первых: Раз существует в интернет-вселенной 12 штук имперских сайтов, значит ИМПЕРИЯ СУЩЕСТВУЕТ в интернет-вселенной!

Во-вторых: Раз Империя существует в интернет-вселенной, значит можно быть её патриотом, или же её патриотом не быть.

В третьих: Раз уже существует вертуальная Империя и мы в ней также существуем как и в реальности, то только от нас зависит сделать эту вертуальность реальной или же не сделать... ))

И в последних: Даже если нам в той стране, что осталась от бывшего СССР не построить даже маленький Стардестроер, на худой конец можно быть имперцем по-политическим убеждениям ))))
И, НАПРИМЕР, пропагандировать свои имперские взгляды в стране уставшей от демократического бардака. А ни?

))))))

Вот тут то и встает вопрос, о патриотичности

Изменено: Найва Матхар, 15-11-2004 в 19:13

Sgt.ScoTT - offline Sgt.ScoTT
16-01-2007 23:30 URL сообщения      K-Mail    Профиль    Поиск    Контакт-лист   Редактировать
Камрад



Я эту вещь прочитал только что....занятная! Знаешь, я все думал, что в конце окажится, что его проверяли на "вшивость"...преданный ли он ИМПЕРИИ солдат, но развязка оказалось необычной (для меня точно).....

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